Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
