she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
