your room smells of hookers.
And success
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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