this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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