I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
