Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
