Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
