i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
