I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
