I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
