I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
