I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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