i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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