dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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