I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Randomize
