Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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