Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You left your phone here
Wait...
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