She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
