Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
