oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
