Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
