what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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