Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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