Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
