Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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