Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
