I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Come see our sink grown plant.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
