you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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