dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
