he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
