don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
