Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
