You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
