He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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