I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
