mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
