And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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