At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
