she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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