Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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