I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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