I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
