i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
