i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
