I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
