Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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