i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my god I love twenty year old dicks
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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