Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
