Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
