I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
