So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My life is pants optional.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
